My Best Friend, Called me Gasping: A Story of Accepting the Timing of One's Life
“Buzz, Buzz…” It took me a while to realize my phone was vibrating. In a world of limited social interaction, a phone call automatically signals the alarm bells. Why would my best friend call me during work hours? Surely something must be wrong.
And there she was on the other end, trying to catch her breath.
“Hello, hello… are you alright?” I said. This was so unlike her, to lose her very well known “cool.”
Then she suddenly blurted out… “I am pregnant, I cannot believe it.”
In our twenties this would have been, news for an immediate celebration. But here she was in her thirties, both kids in school, potty trained, all baby gear donated, clothes given away, gym membership, traveling completely resumed, nights full of sleep and a consistent schedule. After opting to spend approximately four years as a stay at home mom, she was onto the next chapter in her life. Perfecting motherhood and finally back in the work force. I have always dappled with the idea of having more children, but she’s always maintained consistently two was more than enough!
Within these moments of breathless devastation, I knew my best friend needed to know she was going to be alright. I have always admired her strength and resilience. That’s the thing about our friendship, her worries have always been mine and vice versa. We always found a way to share and help each other through the turbulence of life. A true friend is one, in which you don’t always have to worry about bestowing positive vibes or when you are having a great moment, you are not afraid to share.
After multiple conversations, we concluded, she was already raising two kids, selfishness had taken a backseat to motherhood. As a practicing Muslim, she did not have a lifestyle of cocktails or parties. She was raising her children in the suburbs, surrounded by tree lined streets and a great school district. Sure, she could not go zip lining in Costa Rica that summer but she was already living a calm lifestyle. All of the big changes had been made. It did not take long for her to accept that; this baby and pregnancy was part of her destiny. Having been blessed with a great husband, he supported and welcomed the inevitable. She was pregnant and their life, will take a different path. There journey will change but it was God’s plan and gift.
In the wee hours of the night, when all was asleep, I finally had a moment of solitude. I genuinely believed all of the things we spoke about. I was so happy for her. However, going from two children to three is a huge transition. Laying amongst my pillows, I took a deep breath and felt an intense sense of relief. Our lives have always been similar, mirror images actually. We were married a year apart and had our two kids around the same time. Thinking about, all of the sleepless nights, pampers, teething was enough to quell my baby fever. I was not ready for another baby or so I thought.
As life would have it, ten days after she shared her news with me. Without planning, or preparation a positive pregnancy test was staring back at me. After a late period, I took a test on a whim. Needless to say, I was also shocked to the core. Initially I struggled with accepting how much my life would change. I had always planned my other pregnancies, it was one of the rare moments in life that left me speechless. I had so much planned and a pregnancy was not part of it. It has always been my mantra to trust the timing of my life. Without sounding ungrateful, it took me a while to accept the unpredictable nature of this profound change. The questions of space, finances, additional responsibility and time consumed my thoughts.
I learned a long time ago, there is no chronological order of how life should be. I had to pray, write and reflect on understanding this new journey. Preparation is crucial towards having a healthy and happy pregnancy. I allowed myself to work through my emotions before sharing the news with anyone. It was not a secret, but this is what has worked best for me through the years. Before anyone commented or weighed in, I needed to be emotionally stable. Everything I felt was real, raw and I came to many conclusions. This was going to change my lifestyle and I will have so many more compromises to make.
Here are some of the LESSONS I have learned through this experience.
Lesson 1: Accept Change.
We often think everything is in our own control, but life has its own curves and ways. Sometimes the unknown can be daunting but I know I will not be on this journey alone.
Lesson 2: Support Systems are Essential.
There is so much comfort in knowing, I am surrounded by a core group of loved ones. Most importantly a supportive husband, who consistently helps me through my anxieties. A best friend who completely understands, how I feel. It has brought us so much closer. Getting through an unplanned pregnancy means relying on your support system.
Lesson 3: Stop Trying to Plan Life to a Tee.
Life can be planned but it often has its own plans. What I know, is the best things in life require a great amount of patience and work. There are times when I feel overwhelmed and worried, but this baby is a blessing. I have worked with my family to plan, towards sharing the responsibilities. We are consistently working towards bettering our situation but it will take time and sacrifice. We have a calendar and a time schedule and hopefully in a year thing will be different for us. I am consistently raising my hands to pray, it calms my heart and gives me strength.
Lesson 4: Enjoy the Journey.
The greatest part of this journey is my best friend and I are truly making each other’s best friends. The happiness and excitement our children feel towards the expectancy of a new sibling. They are old enough to understand, pregnancy and go through this process with us. There are many tummy kisses, rubs and plans. Their conversations are full of excitement as they transition into their new roles as older siblings. We are constantly asked, “When is the baby coming?” This has certainly made a painful pregnancy easier to endure. Our children, also have a greater appreciation for what it takes to be a mother. The physical and emotional changes throughout the months, has allowed them to empathize with the process of pregnancy.
Lesson 5: This is your Story.
Be grateful for the journey, the experience and your story. Never compare or look onto anyone else’s plate when you can eat from your own. What initially started off as a shock has transcended into pure joy. Always trust the timing of your life.
