B-O-R-E-D- The Forbidden Five Letter Word
I am not sure when it happened but there was a maternal shift that occurred around the word, “bored.” I forbade my children from proclaiming or whining about their so called “dull existence.” I wanted to make it clear, life is not entertaining and fun all the time. Rather it is about living in a state of gratitude instead of, entitlement. I realized their whining was infuriating because of all the time and effort, I was putting into parenting. There was only one problem, how would they know? I am the only mom they have ever known, and this is their only experience being a child. Naturally, they lack knowledge of those that are less fortunate.
Whilst technology has made our lives much easier, it has contributed to the over stimulation of our children. From the classroom to home sweet home, they are being entertained constantly. With the introduction of Smart Boards in schools, students are learning through a multitudinous range of modalities. (I am not against differentiated learning, simply stating the existence of) With the advent of “how to books” and social media, parents are constantly arranging play dates and activities to keep their kids occupied. In the absence of “go mode,” iPad’s, apps and video games are the perfect time filler. Unsurprisingly without the presence of distractions our children will get bored.
I did not realize how stressful the state of boredom could be for Gen Z, until I observed my son. He had used up all his screen time, played with his toys, and my daughter, his playmate was napping. He wanted me to create something for him to do. It was an uncomfortable state for him to exist within and full of intense whining. When this happens, I usually create an engaging activity and save the day. But this time I didn’t, I left him in his state of dismay.
The Conversation:
I told him, “You are not allowed to say the word, “bored,” it is a very negative word. You have too much in your life to complain about moments like this. We do a lot of fun things all the time, you have a family that loves you and a home filled with toys. Sometimes you must think for yourself and that’s ok. Boredom is not a problem but complaining constantly, is.”
He listened to what I perceived as magical words, then plopped himself onto the coach and sat silently for a few minutes. He then stood up and declared, “I know I am going to build a tent with the blankets and cushions.” “The conversation,” altered his focus and he was able to channel his energy positively. Learning to exist with minimal activity is like any skill, it is weak initially and with time becomes stronger. We revisit “the conversation” continuously and his ability to be self- driven and think independently is getting much better.
I always knew, I wanted my children to be bored but I did not understand the benefits of boredom. I grew up feeling loved but never entertained. I sat in the back of my father’s car, without a DVD player and went wherever he wanted to go. I looked outside the window, brought toys, read books and talked with my family. My parents were not magicians and I knew my life was not a show. I was probably bored, but I did not feel uncomfortable. I don’t have a memory of my mom doing arts and crafts with me or my dad playing in my doll house. It does not mean they loved me less or I love my kids because I do. As a millennial mom, I knew I wanted to parent differently. I am more involved because I have the time. However, I am always trying to find the balance between creating memorable moments and constantly guiding them.
It is in the state boredom, children learn to be independent and creative. They can release their dependency on others and learn to think, reflect and be imaginative. Being bored usually occurs when people are alone, without stimulation or participating in an activity that is not “fun.” Thinking and stopping in a society that runs on productivity can seem useless. But in fact, the most creative thoughts occur in the absence of stimulation. It is within those moments, we can dig deep within our selves and challenge our actions, thoughts, question our behavior and create. According to Sherry Swift, “Far too often, people use the term "boredom" as an excuse to live a distracted life with no focus and intention. When necessary, give yourself permission to be still, use your inner ear and hear from yourself.” Boredom forces adults, to expand our thinking, read, discover a new restaurant, plan a trip. The result is our horizons and knowledge are broadened. Raising children to accept boredom will result in a child that is self- driven, able to take initiative in the classroom and eventually in the work place. It also takes a lot of patience to parent in a society that has convinced us to feel guilty when we are not busy. I close with this quote and I hope it provides you the same solace it has given me. “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.” Ann Landers
