The Mundane Humdrum: A Lesson in Presence.
Beep, beep, beep. Snooze. Mental conversation, and I am up. The mundane humdrum of everyday responsibilities can be very consuming. The success of my day was evaluated based on the number of tasks, I was able to complete on my to do list. After all, I am a parent, full time employee, a wife and a member of a family. I am trying to maintain strong community ties in a society that makes that unsustainable. All these roles come with great responsibility and a lot of balancing. I am at a point in my life, where my days do not wind down. Each part has a different feature of a “thing to do.” After work, my focus is on the completion of my son’s homework, making dinner, cleaning the house, trying to work out, pray, spend quality time with children, get them ready for bed, to sleep and prepare for the next day. My routines are overwhelming and comforting at the same time. I always know what to expect throughout the day, any irregularities are cataclysmic.
As a mother, I genuinely believe in listening and looking when my children address me. I know the smallest things are the biggest in their world. My mantra is to look, listen and respond. However, life happens, and I don’t always follow what I subscribe too. Sometimes I need a reminder and it came to me in the humblest way. I am not sure what I was doing on the phone, but my son was calling me, “Mama, mama, mom, mama…” I replied shortly with, “Yes.” I did not look and apparently, he was dissatisfied with my response, he called me again. At that point, I was slightly irritated because I wanted to get, whatever I was doing completed. My sister intercepted before I could respond and calmly said, “You are so lucky you could hear the word, “Mama.” “I wish, I could hear that word.”
My sister suffers from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. A condition that causes an imbalance in her hormone levels. Her menstrual cycle is far from normal and cysts have wreaked havoc on her ovaries. She has spent innumerable hours in waiting rooms of physicians trying to combat this syndrome. Currently she has multiple doctors, takes different medications and is always seeking different options. Whilst that is more than enough for one person, the syndrome has also impacted her weight and hair. She was diagnosed after getting married. The happiness she exuded during the first year of her marriage has been severely altered and weakened as time progressed. I have heard her discuss her health and the pain. However, I am guilty of being consumed in my own life, to notice how emotional PCOS has been for her. I have seen her tired, worried eyes. I have watched her overcompensate as a wife, but I did not understand why she carried a guilt for not being able to become a mother. To always keep it positive, I did not stop to notice her broken heart. My sister has been trying to have a baby for ten years and that consumes her.
In that mere moment, her words resonated with me, “I wish, I could hear those words, mama.” My mind, task and fingers stopped. I reflected on her pain and my ingratitude. I held back my tears for all the times she heard “Mama,” and held back her tears. I was absent, for the most important people in my life. My sister and my children. This was not the first time, I lost my patience with these pure souls. A feeling of pure dismay set in my heart for all the moments. I spend, my most energetic hours of the day away from my family, working. When I am home, I need to be present. I want to share a connection with my family that is social, emotional and physical. There are no mundanities in everyday life, rather it consists of ever- evolving moments and people. My children’s need of attention will decrease with each passing year. My sister will make it through her hurdles with or without me. But will I be able to live with myself knowing, I was not present in my sincerest form? Probably not.
So, to truly live without regret, one must increase their quality of presence and consciousness. It starts with baby steps.
1.Focus on one task at a time.
Multi-tasking is the go to mode for mothers, but some tasks are better accomplished with the utmost attention. I used to put my children to sleep and scroll through social media. However, I have learned cuddling with undivided attention, is very relaxing. It also presents an opportunity to hear my children’s last thoughts before bed. To say prayers with deep convictions as opposed to symbolic worship.
2. Treat each part of the day with respect, play specific roles at its allotted time.
I will stay late at work, but I will not bring my work home. As I am driving home, I am slowly transitioning into the next part of my day and role.
3.Balance differs with each passing day and probably ceases to exist.
Busy season is seasonal. There will be moments, when you have to give certain roles more attention, but it does not last forever. When my father was undergoing cancer treatment, he was my focus. But today is cancer free and my balance has shifted.
4. Being reachable is not always a good thing.
When I am spending time with anyone, I turn my phone over to indulge in the conversation. Sharing connections, requires one to listen to the details, the expressions and moments. The people we chose to have in our lives are purposeful.
5. It is not about getting it done or waiting for the weekend to relax.
Living and being present means enjoying every day, including Mondays.
