My Epidural Epiphany; What's in a name?
Gestation and Procrastination.
The average length of human gestation is 280 days, which is approximately 40 weeks. Pregnant woman across the globe can account for every moment during that time period, for they have endured a lot of physical and emotional changes. As their bodies are physically changing to adapt to this new life forming inside, the nesting phase occurs simultaneously. The preparation process featuring numerous, “to do lists.” Bassinet, bottles, bibs, birthing plan, baby bag…check!
As I was preparing for my third child, a daunting and exciting process to say the least. There was one thing I was purposely avoiding, on my “to do list,” choosing a name. My husband and I always opt to keep the gender of our baby a surprise. We actually needed two names, surely forty weeks was enough time to pick a name. Yet there I was sitting on my hospital bed, hours away from giving birth, googling names. The past few months, we tossed around names but nothing really stuck or resonated within my heart. We spent the summer on a road trip throughout Turkey and I had hoped to find some inspiration and I did for middle names but nothing worthy of a first name.
Why is it so Hard to Choose a Name?
Giving your child a name is one of the most arduous tasks a parent will face. It is a title they will have for life. As an American Muslim, it is even harder because of the political climate in the West. A person’s name is an essential component in one’s identity, how they view themselves and how the world assesses them. It can depict a person’s culture and religion. In fact, there are so many angles to look at when choosing a name for your child. As Muslims we are taught to give our children a “good,” name. Good is often associated with the names of the prophets, attributes of a believer, great Muslim historical figures or names that denote pious actions. Often these names are in Arabic or in another language based on our ancestry.
In today’s political climate, a parent must think multiple times before they bestow a name upon their child. For a person’s name is a form of identification. Islamophobia and hatred towards the East are real problems a Muslim’s are weary of. Bullying amongst peers in school, for having a Muslim name is also something parents try to protect their children from. As a parent I am worried my child will be judged or stereotyped based on their name. Misinterpreting and mispronunciations of ethnic names can also be a problem. Names are an essential component towards communication and I would never want my child to be embarrassed of saying their name or having others butcher the proper pronunciation. We have all encountered Muhammad’s that became Mo’s and Jaffar’s that are Jeff’s. Initially I wanted a westernized Muslim name. Traditional but accepted, historic and easy to pronounce.
My Epidural Epiphany
In the midst of googling, having a contraction and exchanging possible names with my husband. We had an epiphany! We were literally going about this name thing the wrong way. We had a conversation, centered around our names and the purpose of a “good,” name. We love our religion and we carry a name that clearly identifies which faith we belong too. We were judged, stereotyped, pigeonholed and had to work twice as hard to get the same opportunities.
I grew up knowing, it was persistence not privilege that would bring me success. I always had to give my all and do my best. After all I was navigating through a world, where my name was splattered all over newspapers, used to profile and condemn Muslims. I was the butt of many comedian’s jokes. Strength was a requirement not a choice. However, when I got married, I could have traded my name in for one that was easier but I choose to hold onto my name. It is a huge part of my identity and continuously shapes who I am today.
My name has taught me, they’re is a lot of power in working hard. I used my name to teach people to see past what the media says about people like me. I am proud to have a name that is indicative of the religion that I belong too and I am part of something greater than myself. My name forced me to have a strong work ethic and consistently bestow kindness upon others. After all I am representing myself and my entire religion. It is a lot to carry, but I own it.
As I was deep in thought, my anesthesiologist came in to check on me and I looked at his name tag. He carried a name that was clearly indicative of his Jewish and Russian background. My doctor came in soon after, she also had a name that indicated her faith. They wore their names proudly, in the midst of anti-Semitism and Russophobia. Then another epiphany occurred, trying to protect my child from who they are, will lead to an identity crisis. We make our own respect based on the actions of our hands and the conviction of our choices. I know a lot of people whose names, I cannot pronounce who are successful because they work hard. I also know a lot of people whose names have one syllable who have had privilege on their side their whole lives but have not done anything one would equate to being successful. There is just so many elements to success which is more than having an “accepted,” name.
Assimilation leads to Extinction
Assimilation will only lead to the loss of one’s self. It will only lead to the gradual loss of one’s culture, religion and profound beliefs. I certainly do not want my children to have a diluted version of Islam because we live in America. Muslims are American’s and add to the rich diversity and must stay committed to who we are as people. We will all be a richer society if we resist succumbing to a dominant middle of the road culture. If we do not hold onto our values as people, and in Islam it starts with giving your child a “good name,” our values, beliefs and traditions will be extinct. The explanation of one’s name is a great conversation starter and provides a means to learn about one another. If someone does not give you a job because of your religion or culture than you are a better off without that job.
The Birth of my Son
As parents we are always going to try to protect our children and give them the easiest life possible. However, in the process it is important to not give your power over to others. God is the ultimate provider and sustainer. As we choose a name for our children remember this is the name they will wear as garments in this world. Choose wisely and never forget the power of God in guiding our paths. There is something admirable about a people who hold onto their roots. “Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots.” Victor Hugo.
With that being said, my family and I welcome to the world, Ismael Rumi.
Our little miracle, whom we never expected but are so blessed to have. I connected deeply with the prophet Abraham’s yearning to have a child and surprise when he did. Our little baby was in my tummy as we drove throughout Turkey. We read and were inspired by the Persian poet Rumi. Today he is laid to rest in Konya Turkey. The name we choose was authentic to who are as people as we quieted the voices from outside.
