Children the Fabric of Our Lives. Weaving and Investing.
Each of us is a unique thread, woven into the beautiful fabric, of our collective consciousness. Jaeda De Walt
Fabric is a textile made by weaving, knitting, braiding and bonding fibers together. It must be built and when complete, is classified accordingly…cashmere, chiffon, cotton, velvet to name a few. Children are like fabrics, they too are built and manufactured. Life experiences, advice, knowledge, people, religious doctrines are some of the threads used to weave their life together. The higher the thread count the more valuable the fabric. As parents our socioeconomic status dictates our children’s life experiences, but it does not alter our responsibility to weave the best fabric we can.
Before I became a parent, I saw pictures of mothers on social media baking and doing craft projects with their children. I envisioned myself doing the same when I had a child, despite not being a baker or ever fully committed to any “artsy fartsy” projects. I thought a maternal shift would occur once having a child that would transform my abilities. Isn’t that what “maternal instincts” and “mother’s intuition” is all about? The shift did not occur, despite the vision.
Social media and email subscriptions heightened my guilt of not being “one of those moms.” The picture-perfect mothers who do it all with a smile. As with anything new, there is an initial struggle to find one’s way. Play dates became my new hang out, which is comprised of parents who have determined their child needs more social interaction. For the children it is a rewarding social experience. As a parent it can be an intrusive interview on parenting techniques or lack thereof. And like everything else in life, there is always that one person who outshines everyone else. After each play date, I felt stuck in mediocre motherhood, as I realized I had nothing to contribute to any DIY conversations. When I did speak it was to praise the mothers for their patience in creating an experience to bond with their child. As they weaved their children, they gave them threads of self-regulation, the ability to create and have fun.
I have come to realize there is a lot of pretense and pressure in motherhood. This makes it harder to get genuine advice because of the fear of being judged or stigmatized. Most of the time, I was my worse critic, I harbored the guilt of not being good enough. Being a mother is an extension of one self not the creation of a separate entity. After many failed attempts to do things that were in adherence to the standards set by others, I made a conscience decision to stop. My authentic self is the only person I want my children to know. I bring my strengths and unconsciously my weakness into the process of parenting. There is no need to feel guilty for the things I cannot do. It is a waste of time and energy. So here it is, I am never going to be a mom that enjoys baking or arts and crafts. My children get those threads from their aunt, who does enjoy those types of hands on activities. It is a release to realize I am not responsible for every thread that is used to build my children. There are also cooking schools with trained professionals that provide children with those life experiences.
One of the threads I wanted to be bonded and built into my children is the ability to see people without preconceived notions or stereotypes. To take pictures and words straight from their books and bring it to life. The gift of traveling outside of their comfort zones and exploring new worlds, is befitting of who I am. I love history and walking in the shoes of others. Traveling is not limited to foreign countries, it is going to museums, trying different cuisines, street fairs or reading a book about a different culture. While I acknowledge their young ages and their inability to focus for long periods of time. When we do travel to a foreign country, I have learned to balance venturing off into historical sites in the morning and spending the afternoon at the pool. Traveling with children takes a lot of patience and organization but I enjoy doing it. I am one of “those moms,” that gives the threads of learning while having fun with the hopes of showing the interconnectedness of humanity. This is a familial bond, I have faith will be sewn into the hearts.
Many people have weighed in on my choice of threads, with concerns of wasting money on expensive vacations, my children will not remember. My kids are young and initially this was a concern I harbored as well. The same ideology can be employed with any activity that is presented to a child at a young age. Bonding the fibers together, is ultimately about the result. It is true my children may not remember the countries or museums they have visited in great details, but it is woven into them. The experience lives within their soul and shapes the way they interact and view the world. My children have been bitten by the travel bug, and it is seen in their conversations during play time. My daughter’s dolls walk through deserts, ride camels and play on the beach. My son recently proclaimed, “Mom you know what my favorite thing in life is… when we are together on vacation.” I was finally able to be the best mom, by setting myself free from the perception of others and the critic that lived within.
Reflect on what threads you want weaved into your children.
Does it ignite and excite you?
Please share your choice of threads in the comments below.
